Saturday, February 7, 2009

finding the time

I used to be a very busy person.  Today I dug out my old planners and realized just how busy I was.  There were entire weeks when I would get up at seven, get ready, go to campus and not get back to my apartment until well after midnight.  While I recognize that being an M.A. student has its perks--only two courses per semester plus teaching=time to eat, breathe and think--I miss being a busy, overachieving undergrad.

On the wall in the hallway Jordan and I both have the Sturtevant Award given to graduating seniors who exemplified outstanding leadership and service during their time at Illinois College.  When I see it, I feel pride in my past accomplishments but I also feel a sort of nagging regret that I am not doing more with my time at Iowa State.

It isn't as easy to get involved as an M.A. student but Iowa State itself also poses some problems.  It is a large state school.  Getting involved isn't necessarily harder, but it isn't the same experience as it would be at a private, liberal arts school.  Groups here often have fifty or more students, not ten.  I like standing out; this whole big pond, small fish thing doesn't really work for me.  But...

It is hard for me to rationalize this when I see glaring issues that I would love to sink my teeth into and tackle during my spare time.  Iowa State is severely lacking in support for the LGBTQ community.  I talked with the director of LGBT Student Services and he knows of quite a few cases where LGBTQ students were completely satisfied with their academics but were dismayed by the lack of a support community; they transfered to other schools.  Its a shame, and I could do work with it.  I have ample experience with leadership and service--it feels like I am cheating the school as well as myself out of some tiny bit of difference.

In other news, I miss Paris.

2 comments:

dcinsider said...

Lazy ass. :)

claire brakel said...

i get this. i feel the same about my time here. i'm living a rather self-indulgent life i feel. perhaps this is just phase we're meant to pass through...? not sure, but i get it.

and, side note, i miss your face.