I really don't like this feeling of being home. I have been here for four days and I have felt nothing but listlessness sort of like I am a touch empty on the inside. This most likely stems from the fact that I really enjoy being around people; it is weird to come back to where I grew up and went to undergrad only to find that the people from both times in my life are strangely absent. When they aren't absent, they are a bit different or the situations in which we meet are different. It was the same feeling when I was at the tail end of my Paris experience. Some people had jetted back to the States; others had left to spend their last few weeks in Europe traveling. I was among the group who had a few days left to kill in the city. At least there were people around who I was friendly with but in all honesty, the situation was different. The balance of the group was off and when you combine that with the sadness of leaving part of your life behind it makes for a queasy stomach and now I feel it all over again--life here is changed and I find myself wanting to interact with friends from Ames who are all home on break and out of the Ames social scene--they aren't really interested in keeping up with it all.
In other news it is weird to see people from home, to be away and then come back. Sort of like reverse culture shock. I blew off at least three people at the store today. Part of it is the whole Christmas family thing. I am not in the socializing mindset at the moment. Now is the time for family and laying around the house. Unfortunately the weather sucks so my dad is stuck in Saint Louis and my sister is stuck in Springfield. It is just my brother and me holding down the fort. It is such a screwed up situation that my dog Jules is sleeping alone in my dad's bed waiting for him to come home. I don't think anyone can grasp this totally awkward social atmosphere.
In other news, to make myself feel better, I purchased a new MacBook. Go me.
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